Deuce Ko!

"Deuce ko!" Those are the two words that came out of my mouth before and after watching Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. I'll explain why.

We saw the movie in Megamall. I've asked a friend to buy the tickets immediately once he arrives in the said place so that we wouldn't pass the cut-off time. What is the cut-off time? You see, Megamall cinemas have a (new) policy of selling tickets at a regular price from 10 am to 4:59 pm. 5 pm onwards, they'd be selling the tickets at whatever the highest price of a particular cinema has! Regular prices vary from PhP90-110 while the highest is between PhP120-PhP130. When you pay the cut-off price, you are entitled to sit anywhere you want: balcony or orchestra. We have experienced paying for the highest price twice since we didn't have enough choices! We'd either go a different mall (which is tiring and we'd have to wait for another screening time) or not see the movie. Of course, the last choice isn't an option anymore. Pissed as we are, we let it slide. Then today, I was surprised when my friend told me that he paid PhP130 each for the tickets when in fact, it was just 3 pm! Apparently, policies have changed. Or, we were in a cinema where prices were fixed at the said amount. My oh my! Now you have to learn the policies for each theater in Megamall!

I really wouldn't mind paying such a high price only if the cinemas in Megamall were as good as those in Glorietta 4! The thing is, when they have re-modelled their cinemas, nothing much has changed in the picture or sound quality of the movie. It was still the same, in DTS or Dolby Surround. That's good, right? But they have been using such sound quality even before their re-modelling! The thing that changed inside the theater are the seats (not leather anymore) and outside are the wall designs. But who cares about the wall designs really?!

My point is, Megamall is asking too much for their ticket prices. Their theaters are not comparable to G4's because first, G4 theaters are smaller than theirs. Thus, the DTS or Dolby Surround Sound has way much better quality. Second, G4 theaters are on per screening basis only. So understandably, they get to ask for higher ticket prices. However, what is so special about theaters in Megamall? Not much! Galleria theaters are even better than them! So how could an ordinary movie-going public afford such a price? Even SM North Edsa are starting to go with the trend! Aren't there affordable theaters anymore? We wouldn't want to see a movie in a theater where bugs are all around us and is so dark that anyone could do some "hocus-focus", would we? No wonder why an ordinary Juan would rather buy a pirated DVD than see the movie itself in theaters!

Attention SM Management! You belong to the few people who, instead of promoting the industry, are killing it! Wake up!

Second, I know I said that in my earlier post about Deuce 2 that I still wanted to see despite the fact that Roger Ebert lambasted this film! I hate to admit it but he was right! In his words, the movie sucks! Big time!

I don't know. I've lost my senses. I was so damn caught up with how funny the trailer was and the idea that The Hot Chick was too good for me. I never realized how much I hated the first movie. So how could the sequel be good if the original was already bad in the first place?

Okay, let's start with how this movie goes. Don't dare ask me about the first movie because I have forgotten all about it. Deuce decided to go to Amsterdam where his friend, TJ, works after being wanted by the police in the US. He did something stupid that really wasn't his own fault. TJ asked him to be a man-whore again since it is a big business in the said country. He rejected the idea but was forced to do it to solve a crime. Man-whores in Amsterdam are being killed one by one. Believing that the killer is a woman, he started to date every woman that the last man-whore who died had dated. Only that he found out that it wasn't any of the woman but the... Should I say it or you still want to see the movie? As if one would watch the movie because of the thrill and suspense (kuno) of it!

Anyway, what is so bad about it? Everything! The jokes were not funny at all! Whatever scenes are funny in the trailer are not funny anymore when you get to see them in the whole film. Unlike The 40 Year-Old Virgin, Deuce 2 is full of prejudicial and racial jokes that are not laughable and quite insulting to the race it has talked about: Europeans, Canadians, Indians, and Asians. Even the different physical attributes of the women featured in the film were degrading not only to women but to mankind. It projects that people with special needs are likely to subscribe to prostitutes because those are the only people they can get. Some antics were even disgusting like the fries in the toilet bowl, the sneezed semen from the woman who has penis for a nose, the inserted nose-penis in the traechiotomy-hole of another woman, etc.

I understand that the ideas in the film may seemed funny when talked about but when you get to see them on screen, they became silly and offensive! I don't understand why this film was made in the first place. It is sickening and nauseating! Rob Schneider said in an interview that lots of gay-themed scenes were deleted because he was afraid to offend the gay crowd. However, he failed to consider about the feelings of the race and differences of the people that he featured in the film, even the people who would watch it! He was even mean to Asians when he is part-Asian (Pinoy pa nga!) himself! Why not delete all the scenes together and not show anything at all?!

Using his words and I rephrased, "I'm Deuce Bigalow... I'm Deuce Bigalow... I'm Deuce... biggest loser you'll ever see!"

Deuce ko! We pay PhP130 for such crap! Such a punishment!


Related Post: Rob Schneider Vs Roger Ebert