Deuce Ko!

"Deuce ko!" Those are the two words that came out of my mouth before and after watching Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. I'll explain why.

We saw the movie in Megamall. I've asked a friend to buy the tickets immediately once he arrives in the said place so that we wouldn't pass the cut-off time. What is the cut-off time? You see, Megamall cinemas have a (new) policy of selling tickets at a regular price from 10 am to 4:59 pm. 5 pm onwards, they'd be selling the tickets at whatever the highest price of a particular cinema has! Regular prices vary from PhP90-110 while the highest is between PhP120-PhP130. When you pay the cut-off price, you are entitled to sit anywhere you want: balcony or orchestra. We have experienced paying for the highest price twice since we didn't have enough choices! We'd either go a different mall (which is tiring and we'd have to wait for another screening time) or not see the movie. Of course, the last choice isn't an option anymore. Pissed as we are, we let it slide. Then today, I was surprised when my friend told me that he paid PhP130 each for the tickets when in fact, it was just 3 pm! Apparently, policies have changed. Or, we were in a cinema where prices were fixed at the said amount. My oh my! Now you have to learn the policies for each theater in Megamall!

I really wouldn't mind paying such a high price only if the cinemas in Megamall were as good as those in Glorietta 4! The thing is, when they have re-modelled their cinemas, nothing much has changed in the picture or sound quality of the movie. It was still the same, in DTS or Dolby Surround. That's good, right? But they have been using such sound quality even before their re-modelling! The thing that changed inside the theater are the seats (not leather anymore) and outside are the wall designs. But who cares about the wall designs really?!

My point is, Megamall is asking too much for their ticket prices. Their theaters are not comparable to G4's because first, G4 theaters are smaller than theirs. Thus, the DTS or Dolby Surround Sound has way much better quality. Second, G4 theaters are on per screening basis only. So understandably, they get to ask for higher ticket prices. However, what is so special about theaters in Megamall? Not much! Galleria theaters are even better than them! So how could an ordinary movie-going public afford such a price? Even SM North Edsa are starting to go with the trend! Aren't there affordable theaters anymore? We wouldn't want to see a movie in a theater where bugs are all around us and is so dark that anyone could do some "hocus-focus", would we? No wonder why an ordinary Juan would rather buy a pirated DVD than see the movie itself in theaters!

Attention SM Management! You belong to the few people who, instead of promoting the industry, are killing it! Wake up!

Second, I know I said that in my earlier post about Deuce 2 that I still wanted to see despite the fact that Roger Ebert lambasted this film! I hate to admit it but he was right! In his words, the movie sucks! Big time!

I don't know. I've lost my senses. I was so damn caught up with how funny the trailer was and the idea that The Hot Chick was too good for me. I never realized how much I hated the first movie. So how could the sequel be good if the original was already bad in the first place?

Okay, let's start with how this movie goes. Don't dare ask me about the first movie because I have forgotten all about it. Deuce decided to go to Amsterdam where his friend, TJ, works after being wanted by the police in the US. He did something stupid that really wasn't his own fault. TJ asked him to be a man-whore again since it is a big business in the said country. He rejected the idea but was forced to do it to solve a crime. Man-whores in Amsterdam are being killed one by one. Believing that the killer is a woman, he started to date every woman that the last man-whore who died had dated. Only that he found out that it wasn't any of the woman but the... Should I say it or you still want to see the movie? As if one would watch the movie because of the thrill and suspense (kuno) of it!

Anyway, what is so bad about it? Everything! The jokes were not funny at all! Whatever scenes are funny in the trailer are not funny anymore when you get to see them in the whole film. Unlike The 40 Year-Old Virgin, Deuce 2 is full of prejudicial and racial jokes that are not laughable and quite insulting to the race it has talked about: Europeans, Canadians, Indians, and Asians. Even the different physical attributes of the women featured in the film were degrading not only to women but to mankind. It projects that people with special needs are likely to subscribe to prostitutes because those are the only people they can get. Some antics were even disgusting like the fries in the toilet bowl, the sneezed semen from the woman who has penis for a nose, the inserted nose-penis in the traechiotomy-hole of another woman, etc.

I understand that the ideas in the film may seemed funny when talked about but when you get to see them on screen, they became silly and offensive! I don't understand why this film was made in the first place. It is sickening and nauseating! Rob Schneider said in an interview that lots of gay-themed scenes were deleted because he was afraid to offend the gay crowd. However, he failed to consider about the feelings of the race and differences of the people that he featured in the film, even the people who would watch it! He was even mean to Asians when he is part-Asian (Pinoy pa nga!) himself! Why not delete all the scenes together and not show anything at all?!

Using his words and I rephrased, "I'm Deuce Bigalow... I'm Deuce Bigalow... I'm Deuce... biggest loser you'll ever see!"

Deuce ko! We pay PhP130 for such crap! Such a punishment!


Related Post: Rob Schneider Vs Roger Ebert

The 40-Year Old Virgin

As the title suggests, The 40 Year-Old Virgin is about a closeted virgin middle-aged man and his journeys towards his "first time". Sounds exciting, right? Sex comedies regarding first times and curiosities about sex almost always feature adolescents and teenagers. Thanks to Steve Carrell for coming up with the genuis idea (used in his comedy skits) and Universal Pictures for producing the movie!

The movie stars Andy (Carell) as a 40-year old guy who was contented wth being a virgin. At his age, he has become complacent about it. Instead of making a big deal out of it, he has sheltered himself with the things that he loves doing like collecting action figures and playing video games to the point of obssessing over them. However, his life suddenly turned upside down when he was invited by his co-workers for a night of poker game. After the game, the night turned into talks about sex. When it was his time to relate his most unforgettable sexual story, he could not describe it well. That was when his co-workers realized that he was still a virgin and obliged themselves to help him fulfill his manhood in any way they can!

David (Paul Rudd), Jay (Romany Malco), and Cal (Seth Rogen) gave Andy suggestions and took him to places where he could hook up with women. Each guy has their own experiences with women and they impart to him whatever knowledge they have gained about them. David is a heartbroken guy who is still in love with his ex-girlfriend. Jay, yet already committed, still practices being a ladies' man. Meanwhile, Cal is a guy who believes in being "practical" about dates and women. However, whatever they do or say, it was futile. It has to be in Andy's way on Andy's time.

Along the teachings and advices came Trish (Catherine Keener). She is the woman whom Andy falls in love with. It poses another problem for Andy. Not only that he had to come out of his shell but he had to share a part of himself with a woman for the first time in his life.

Apart from the goofiness and sometimes slapstick jokes of the film, The 40 Year-Old Virgin boasts a witty script and funny dialogues. It manages to avoid racial jokes, refuses to make caricatures out of its ethnic characters, and is devoid of prejudices re virgin and gays. It is a breath of fresh air amongst the sex comedies that came out during the past years. The movie didn't end as another sex comedy but it was above par the rest of them! It had something more to offer than laughs and giggles. It was insightful and had three-dimensional characters.

As for Andy, on the surface, it may sound as if he was idealistic and values chastity. He would say that he had high respect for women or holding out for "the one". Not that there's anything wrong with both! In fact, the film had clearly (yet subtly) tried to state that we should respect women (by asking what's wrong with "putting the pussy on the pedestal"?) or not have sex just for the sake of having it (by waiting for the "right" time which of course, would really depend on you!). But in the end, you would realized that Andy held on that long because he was scared shitless about his first time! Who wouldn't want their first experience to be special, right? He was so scared that he ended up shielding himself with his obssessions. These obssessions may have protected him with whatever his first time might bring but they retarded his "growth"! It was only when he learned to let go of them that he realized that it was time to grow up.

His being a virgin was also a manifestation of how he runs his life. Even at work, he always takes the backseat. Afraid to deal with customers face to face. Only when his boss took the initiative to make him a sales person that he realized his true potential. In life, there's no room for people who are scared. One has to make bold steps order to succeed!

As for his friends, they may be keen on giving Andy his first sexual experience but it was more than that. They became his best buddies whom he never had when he was growing up. Even Cal who seemed to be so full of himself learns to sacrifice his desires by helping him get the girl he wants or employing a hottie yet stupid girl just so he could hook her up with the depressed David. Jay may be two-timing his girlfriend but it was all because of his insecurities about himself. When his girl has proven how much she is willing to give him, he felt secured and stopped fooling around.

The 40 Year-Old Virgin has to a lot to offer. Audience would have a heck of a time laughing at the green jokes and sexual situations but would also learn a thing or two regarding the things that are most scared in life: friendships, love, and relationships. I hope that teenagers would take home with them not just the jokes but the subtle advices the movie gives.

Lovestruck (GMA Films)

(Note: I started writing this on Sept. 20 but wasn't able to finish it. Then, I got sick for about two weeks. It was only now that I am able to focus on it again.)

The 80's gave us the youthful charm and energy of Bagets. We noticed the maturity and troublesome years of the teens in the 90's in Pare Ko. In this decade, we were bombarded by the adult issues that the teens are facing via Kuya. However commendable, as a teen movie, it failed to register well to its market: teen audience. Probably because of its too serious feel. It would make you wonder whether if teenagers these days are really struggling with too big of a problem. No wonder they are growing "old" so easily. Where have all the fun in being teenagers went?

This time around, with the release of GMA Films' Lovestruck, we are back to the times when kids are kids acting like life only revolves around their world. Nothing is taken much seriously. It's all about pursuing the wishes of the heart lightheartedly.

Lovestruck is about Denise (Jennylyn Mercado) and Caloy (Mark Herras) who grew up together. They became best buddies. On her (1*th) birthday, Denise's only wish was to get the book called "Lovestruck" and meet the writer herself, a love guru named Jandra (Jolina Magdangal). The book will serve as her guide to meeting her her soulmate.

Denise is a party planner. On one of her planned children's party, she met the eye-candy Jason (Mike Tan). He is everything that she wants in a guy. Soon enough, with the help "Lovestruck", she makes sure that she gets to do every trick in it to make Jason notice her and eventually fall in love with her.

When she finally gets her wish, she feels as if something was missing. She realized later on that the true desires of her heart was just right next door all along!

Lovestruck is, of course, formulaic and typical. It doesn't pretend to be different from the rest of the teen movies whether Pinoy or Hollywood. What is refreshing, though, are the new faces you'd see on the screen.

Jennylyn Mercado's voice may sometimes sound squeaky but she has the makings of being a screen sweetheart ala Meg Ryan or Julia Roberts. Who'd thought that she could pull off such a funny/clumsy character? Rainier Castillo, despite being conscious of himself at times, was quite natural as the gay friend. He almost steal every bit of hilarious scenes from Jennylyn. Mark Herras has the depth of a rising dramatic actor. While Mike Tan could be the next heartthrob of this generation. Every angle agrees with him. The camera loves him!

Lovestruck is one of the best "entertaining" Pinoy movies that came out in recent years. It is capriciously entertaining without insulting one's intelligence. It is recommended best for teens and those who were young once. It would remind you about the joys of falling in love for the first time! *wink wink*